I received a joke email awhile ago entitled Men's Rules, you know the one that says they are all #1 on purpose. Anyway, I also agree with the saying that there is always some truth in sarcasim. I chose the ones that I felt fit that bill and share them with you, as well as my thoughts regarding said rule.
1.
Please learn to work the seat. We need it up you need it down. What men won't tell you is, if you think we are finally listening to you and putting it down, you had better think again. Most, not all, of us will NOT lift the seat, relieve ourselves, then wipe any offending liquids off the seat with the paper on the role next to the porcilean altar. In other words, nagging your mate about the seat, means you will eventualy be sitting on his pee!
2.
Crying is blackmail. It is also very manipulative. Men will only fall for this once or twice. After that, they will pretend that it makes a difference, which will only serve to propigate festering anger, like an active volcano waiting to erupt. (but you will never know when)
3.
Please ask for "exactly" what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!!! Most men are very literal creatures. This means that we take in information process it, and then act based on the information we have. If you misinform us, or beat around the bush, we think that what you said is what you ment. (Because it is what you just said, Damnit!) Would you take your car to the shop and tell the machanic that you need the car on Friday, then show up on Tuesday all pissed off cause it's not done? Then when you are asked why did you tell us you needed it on Friday, you say well I do I am leaving today for New York City, and will need my car when I get there on Friday. NO ONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD DO THAT, RIGHT?
Wrong! You do it everytime you hint at something while communicating with your mate.
4.
When you come to a man with a problem, expect his first reaction to be to try and solve it. It is a sociatal thing. Boys grow up being taugh that they need to protect their women, we only think we are doing what we are suppose to do. That said, not all men are that uncompassionate. I myself will try and be supportive and sympathetic, however because of my maleness I don't dwell on it. Hey, if it is something that is upsetting the person he loves, he thinks the most sympathetic thing he can do is to be the warrior he was trained to be and fix it for you.
5.
Headaches that last 17 months are a problem, see a doctor. Sex is not a weapon! If you think that you are teaching men a lesson by witholding sex (again that is a subtle hint, see # 3) you are only making the situation far worse than it needs to be. If you don't tell us how you really feel, and punish us because we just don't get it, try telling us exactly what it is that is making you mad so that we can work together as a couple to solve the problem together.
6.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument, especialy if it is totaly out of context! Again this is another form of minipulation, used to get the upper hand rather than facing the real issues and dealing with them together. It is my opinion that woman that act this way are trying to steer away from the fact they may actually be wrong and need to change. I personally am more than willing to admit when I screw up, and will work very hard not to it again. However, why should I try if everything is always twisted to make it be my fault? Eventually, I will figure, "What the F?" and do whatever I damn well please cause I am going to get yelled at anyway? At least I will have fun beforehand, rather than being misserable doing things the way you want them done just to keep you from yelling.
7.
If you think you are fat, you probably are, don't ask for our opinion. No matter what our answer is, it will be wrong. Case in point, when dearly departed ex-wife was pregnant with our first child she asked me if she looked fat. I thought I was very smart, and safe, by answering, "No you don't, you look pregnant." Which was the truth. I still got it both barrles. This also spills over into # 8.
8.
If you ask a question you don't expect an answer to, you will probably get an answer you you don't want to hear. See example #7. What this will accomplish is getting the silent treatment from us, because we don't know weather or not you want an asnwer. This is called the "Self Preservation Mode."
9.
You may ask us to do something, or tell us how you want it done, NOT BOTH! If you already know the best way to do something, do it yourself. When I was a teenager, I discovered there is
always more than one right way to do anything. I was building a railroad tie retaining wall in my back yard,
by myself. In case you didn't know, those F'n things are HEAVY! Two men have a hard time bulling them around. The whole time I am dragging these things around, cutting them, drilling holes in them, and hammering rebar into the holes, she stood on on the hillside nagging me. Mind you she was 8 months pregnant with our second child, and was holding our 3 year old on her hip the hole time. I continued to work, It took me two days, and she continued to nag. Finally, she got pissed enough that she went inside, not before both sets of neighbors came out on their decks to see what the F was going on in our back yard.
In the end the retaining wall was built, and well enough that it still stands today,(Thanks to my prior research, which she wanted no part of.) AND Both of us were mad at each other for days. Just think the next time about all of the pain, anger and heartache ( to both of you ) that will come from the nagging, and ask yourself is the well being of my relationship with this person worth it?
The correct answer here is NO.
10.
If we ask you what's wrong and you say nothing, that's what we will go with. (See explination # 3)
The last two need now explination at all, just deal with it.
11.
Anything you pick to wear is fine, REALLY!
12.
You have enough clothes, and you have way way way to many shoes.
