Thank you!

Thank you for your comments, and well wishes. I will do my best to get better soon. I made an observation, men in general, and even tough guys like me turn in to whinie babies when you take us to the hospital. I can handle alot, even all of the dry sticks, but what I hate the most is when Nurse Good Body, (and my did she have a good body! If that wasn't enough to make me swoon, her soft southern accent pushed me over the edge. I hate hospital gowns they hide NOTHING!) Rips the tape off.

It just occured to me that in my hazzy state, I may have already blogged this when I got home. If I did, just don't pay any attention to the man behind the curtain, ok? It is looking more like I will be staying home tomorrow, with each trek to the bathroom. The Good Dr. wanted me to stay home for the rest of the week but I have to go in on Friday, unless of course I am attending a funneral, my own. The way I feel right now, it may be in my future.

BTW, tonight at dinner I dropped my fork on my stocking foot. No big deal, I'm a tough guy right? It stung alittle but I didn't really pay attention to it till I got up to take my plate to the diswasher. Yikes, I had a blood stain on my athletic sock bigger than a silver dollar! I took my sock off and the hole was so tiny I could hardly see it. Where the heck did all that blood come from, and why did Nurse Good Body have so much trouble finding any this morning.

The not as tough as he thought Fotonut.

Pre Dawn Fieldtrips To The ER

I woke up this morning with no covers and was chilled. No biggie right? Got dressed went to the gym. Worked out for 30 minutes, still chilly. Now that's a biggie. The short version is I have pneumonia. AGAIN! This is now the 6th time in the last 10 years. At least I don't have to be in the hospital this time.

Likely back to work tomorrow with extra meds. The coolest part of the whole deal was giving blood samples and having an IV. Even many years before I ever thought about joining a gym I have had problems giving blood because I have such dense muscles. I was once told by a funny blood taking person that even my fat has muscles, and that if it was just fat they wouldn't have any problems at all. That said, the additional 15 lbs of muscle I have hadded recently didn't help i am sure. I have holes in me all over my body. Only thing worse is when they have to RRRRRIP all of the tape off my hairy arms.

Hope everyone had a better morning than I had.

Fotonut

My Broken Brain Has Been Unbound!

!PRODUCT WARNING!

Beware of Herbal Dietary Supplements when taking medication. I did not know that Dietary Supplements (which include herbal fatburners) are not considered drugs, therefore, are not regulated by the FDA. This means, they do not have to disclose ingrediance on their packaging. Oh, they do to make it look good but the neglect to include contriversial ingrediance, and are less than clear about their contents in their coprorate documentation.

What I found out is that most contain either St Johns Wart or Ephedra (Yes it is still being used!) Guess what, St Johns Wart is an herbal anti-depressant, and is likely what was in my fatburner supplement. That on top of the anti-depressant I was taking just really jacked me up. By the way, Zoloft's web site says DO NOT TAKE ST JOHNS WART!

I discovered this on Sunday, Called the Good Docotor M. on Monday first thing, and as I suppected he said, "Well stop takin that then!" No shit Dick Tracy! After only one day of not taking any supplements and back on the full does of my head is clearer than it has been in months, and I feel like a real person again.

To make me pister (My brother made that word up.) My copy of Men's Health came yesterday and there was a blurb about supplements, and the active ingrediant in my supplements showed only a one fourth pound differance in weight lose over an entire month. I loose more than that taking a hurky shit, so why oh why was I taking that stuff? To make the owners of my gym rich that's why.

Blog Rating

I knicked this from Not So Confidential whom it was sent to by Peace Of My Mind and HOLY CRAP! NC-17 even. I would hate to think what it would have been had I still been using the F bomb, likely in the XXX range of things. Here is what got me there.

shit (11x) ass (5x) crap (4x) shits (3x) dead (2x) breast (1x)

Sheeshe I've got a Potty Keyboard!

It's Friday, And I Made It!

Whoooptie Friggin' Do! It's Friday. Today is the end of the first week on the "starter" dose for the new meds. As of yet, there seem to be no side effects from it. I have one more week at 25 mgs, then 2 weeks at 50 mgs, before I get to the 100 mgs level. That is when we will know if it is working or not. Right now, I am in the "looking for side effects" phase. Fear not, my Brain is still Broken (always will be), and I am still having issues because my med levels aren't right but at least this one looks like it might actually work.


TOMORROW JUNE 23RD Marks the 14th Anniversary of the day I quit smoking.

In other news June 20th of this year WOULD HAVE been my 15th Wedding Anniversary. I actually didn't remember it till just now. It is not exactly something I wish to remember.

Ding Round 1 Is Over, Man My Cheek Hurts More Than My Wallet & Look't Dem Guns!

I'll get the fast story over with first. I had a 15 year old gold overlay (filling) come out some time in between dental appointments. So the last time I went in had to make another appointment to have it replaced and another filling. Just one of the many down sides to being Diabetic. You are more prone to Gum problems, you have over active plac (more cleanings) and you get more cavities.

Well, Dr. Bill juiced me up good with the needle and I didn't feel a thing till it all wore off. This afternoon it felt like he had stuck a hot serrated bread knife through my cheek. OUCH, Ibuprofin here we come, and it didn't touch it. My wallet ended up not taking as big of a hit as I expected, by $100.00 less so that was good. Being Diabetic, and having two kids you end up using up your yearly allowance by Spring. After today, everything else is going to be 100% out of my hide.

Round one of finding a new anti-dressant ended yesterday, and I will spare you all of the gastro-intestinal, vomitile and eructive (remember from Sunday?) issues. I never even worked my way up to the full dose, so I have no idea if it would have worked. However, with all of the issues I was already having with only half a dose, my brain would have been fixed but I would be in the bathroom all day and night.

I picked up the new samples this afternoon, and have had one 25mg dose. I have 2 weeks of that. Then one week at 50mg's, and one week at 75 mg's, until I make it to the needed 100 mg's, to even see if the bad boys work. That means an entire month of being under medicated. Whooptie Friggin' Do!

Needless to say, Cardio is just out of the question for now. At present I am just trying not to gain any, and we are working hard at building major ammounts of muscle mass. Even though I still have a ton and a half left to loose, my body is liturally shaping up! I look great from about mid hamstring down in shorts, and I have never had guns that looked this awesome, not to mention this big. I may only be at 45 lbs each arm for dumb bells presses, unlike that alien that was using 110 lbers last week, but you would never know it from the way my arms have beefed up. I also noticed my chest had really changed too. (Still not ready for pictures but when I am they will certainly be worth looking at.)

Psssst, Hey Peanut Queen, I know you like strong arms you better look out cause it what I have know is any indication of what they will look like when I am done you may just be giving up on Vego.

Just this morning at the gym I noticed in the mirror how much muscle I have gained in just the last two weeks, it is incredible. The coolest part of all is that now I don't even need to flex to see the added muscle. I am like a kid with a new toy. As each week passes it gets harder and harder to leave the bathroom mirror.

How To Make Your Dad Cry In One Easy Step

The inside of the card said:

I wish you could see yourself the way I see you!
(...and of course there was another picture of Superman inside.)

My New Favorite Word!

Dictionary.com's word of the day for June 17th Father's Day is very fitting.

My new favorite word

Happy Father's Day. I know most of my readers are women but just in case a male of our species happens by I wan't to send my wishes.

I SOOOOOOOO Forgot To Tell You!

I forgot to tell you that not only did I sell my first picture but that one of my images was discovered at Flickr by a Newsletter Editor/Webdesigner for the Kansas City Regional office of the Southern Baptist Church. They asked if they could use my image for free. I said yes after I layed down some ground rules. I didn't want a repeat of the Chior CD Drama to play over again. They agreed. One of the stipulations was that I see a pre-press mock up before giving final permission. As you can see above, she did a lovely job of it.

The newsletter will be printed and distributed to about 5,500 Baptists in an 8 county area, and will be achrived online for their digital readership. They will be sending me unfolded copies that I can use in my portfolio. I have also told her to feel free to browse my images for future issues, and that I would like to form a relationship with her. This will build my portfolio, and whose to know that I didn't get paid for my work?

When I am given the actual link for the finished newsletter, I will of course post it here.

Just Call Me Semi-Pro Why Don'tcha

I SOLD MY VERY FIRST PHOTOGRAPH TODAY!

I had an idea this guy may be asking me for one and so I started asking around about pricing. I kept shuffling around about it until one guy (who's work is awesome) said to me, "Look Fotonut, your work is worth well worth what you are asking for it, if not more. So you just need to suck it up and do it. If they don't want to pay that much then they didn't really want it that badly anyway."

Well, I sucked it up, and when he asked me about pricing I explained to him that all my work is processed at a professional lab, and comes on a one ply mat board. At this point my insides were going all kinds of crazy, and I was internally whincing when I said, "Un framed 8X10s are $50, and 5x7s are $35. If you get 3 5X7s I will give you all 3 for $75." Then before my body had time to go limp or I could fill my drawers... the guy says to me, real casual like, "Ok, I'll take a 5X7 then."

I was never really too worried, YEAH RIGHT! After he left I had to sit down and nearly fanned myself. Apparently he knows good work when he sees it. (Excuse me while I beat my chest a little. LOL) Whew......

Update:

I sold him this one

This Is So Freakin' Scary!

I nicked this from the Redheaded Educator

How to make a Tim

Ingredients: 1 part success 3 parts brilliance 3 parts empathy

Method: Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Serve with a slice of sadness and a pinch of salt. Yum!

Username:

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

House Cleaning With A Broken Brain

I can't believe that in my current mental state, I was finally able to fix something that has been driving me nuts for over a year! I moved my Archives Roll down to the bottom. It was getting way to long and I was scrolling forever to get to the links I use all the time.

While I had a second wind, I went in and deleted some of the blogs I no longer read regularly, and updated some of my links, and added some that were long over due. (Sorry it to friggin forever Red!)

This is even more remarkable is that I did this after spending my entire day wishing I could curl up in a little ball and cry. Not to mention I still want to do it. I hope we find an alternative med and soon, cause I don't know if I can handle what I had to go through last time to get the one I have to change now because it no longer works. It occured to me that all of this started about the same time my particular med went generic. Although the generic I take is manufactured by the company that made the original so there shouldn't be a problem, right?

Something else to talk with the Dr. about.

I Will Accept All Of The Blame That Is Mine, But No More!

Ok, I had a rotten day today. I felt like both my upper and lower plumbing were about to blow at any second all day long. (Did I tell you all how much I love trying new meds, yet?) Anyway, work is a chore when things are going ok, but when my meds aren't working right it is, to quote Noodle, "Good Times!"

When I got home I had discovered I REALLY Effed Up BIG TIME! Yes I said, Effed UP! Frankly, that is the only word that works for this here. I want you all to know that I am 150% responcible for that Effe Up, and I take full blame and responsability for not doing what I should have done. Regardless of weather or not my meds are working correctly, my body is still the one that did the effing up.

I am not giving details, but I will tell you that I forgot two extreamly important things until the last minute that cause several people a great deal of frustration. The flip side of it is, however, that while I did forget this particular very important thing, that caused one person in particular some hardship and worry, they never bothered to speak to me about my mistep. Yes it was my job to make sure this particular thing happened. But what happened as a result could have been avoided completely, had this other person spoken up! Had they done so, I would have said, OH SHIT! I am soooo sorry, and dealt with it right away.

Instead they chose to suffer silently for several days before they said something to, (NO NOT ME) but a close relative that happens to be a close in-law of mine. Who in turn spoke to my relative and did a little shuffle to help the issue. Did my in-law, or my very close relative contact me about this Saturday, when they themselves found out. Hell no, why on earth would they ever do a thing like that? Today, that relative called a mutual relative on the sly to say that I had effed up big time.

Meanwhile, every relative I have, and most of my in-laws now think I am world's biggest Jack Ass because I have not done this very important thing, that is causing someone else all of this grief. The whole time I am walking around with a tree branch sticking out of my Ass that no one will tell me is there, and I can't see or feel it myself. That is until this evening when I get home and am met with both barrels because I had forgotten not one but two very imporant things!

Now remember, I just told all of you I am not in a very good place myself right now. That place being a double edged sword. One edge being that my Brain is not working correctly and causing crap as stated above happening all over the place, and the other edge being that I am currently emotionally incappable of handling constructive critisism, not to mention the double barrelled variety which hit me in the face when I walked in the door tonight.

I must say, that I handled things pretty well. After I got done mopping up blood, I was able to admit my wrong doing, taking full responsability for it. Then turning things back around and saying OK, I realize I am on about 60 shit lists right now. However, Why in God's name am I hearing about this first NOW?

Fact 1. I have ADHD, so on a great day I have issues with remembering everything I need to rememeber.

Fact 2. Everyone involved knows this about me. Furthermore, this is not the first time I have forgotten something major, so why the heck is everyone so shocked, and why the heck didn't someone pull me aside?

Fact 3. Counter to the opinions of my ex wife, "I am not an asshole!" I do not do things to be mean. I am not self centered, and I always admit when I am wrong and make things right as quickly and as best I can.

So I am flabbergasted that things unravelled like they did, and I still maintain, that if the person I was causing pain by forgetting the really important thing I forgot, had spoken up right away.....NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE EVER HAPPENED!!!!!! This person has a phone, knows my home and cell phone number. They figured out how to contact my in-law, who inturn told my close reative, so even if they didn't have a way to reach me directly they could have reached me indirectly.

I called and appologized this evening and have made things right. I excepted the blame for my actions, but as I told my close relatives (the ones holding both barrells) I WILL NOT BE CALLED ON THE CARPET ABOUT THIS BEING SO TERRIBLE, because I would have fixed the problem days ago, had I only been made aware of my mistep.

I know this is alot of cloak and dagger Bull Shit but when it comes to family you have to be careful.

110 Each!

This morning at the gym I was working on my chest. Trainer Chris hands me my two 25 lb dumb bells and I get ready for inclined presses. As I look over to the next guy he is sitting there with the biggest dumb bells I have ever seen anyone holding. THEY WERE FREEKIN' 110 LBS EACH! I said, "Jesus Mary and Joseph, dude! Those are huge and I am over here with 25s." He grinned and said, "I was lifting those not too long ago."

When I was done for the day I tried to pick one 110 lb'er up. F that! I couldn't do it with both hands. Well, unless I wanted to drop it on my foot that is.

Just Gotta Love It

Ain't ADHD Grand? because my head was so mixed up yesterday I forgot to list the most important thing.....

For the longest, I really haven't given a flying fig about anyone, anything, or any responcibility. I have let things slide that are things, unlike bloging or reading, that a Fotonut shouldn't let slip by without attention. You know little things like cardio, or opening important mail, crap like that. SOOOO, when I said I would be getting pissy, what I meant was that I already don't give a $h!+, and if you call me on it you will likely get your head bitten off.

See, there are times when I have to keep control no matter what. Like at work! My employees would not respond posatively if I told them to just eat $h!+ and die, if I asked them to do something and they had a legitiment reason for why they couldn't. Plus, I am relatively certain, my boss might take exception to it also.

Next in line are my kids, and Noodle, other family members. Although, I can slip a little with them. Only because I have prewarned them that it may happen and that it isn't my fault. Furthermore, I have them permission to call me on the carpet about it and I won't rip there head from their necks.

My Brain Is Broke

Yes that is why I have not been here so much. It had to end sometime and today just happened to be the day my brain broke. Well actually, it has been broken all my life. Some of the meds I have been taking, however, haven't been working too well lately. We started fiddling with them, and things kept getting worse. Today my Dr. decided that one of them wasn't doing it's job anymore, (after 6 years of taking it) so we have to try and find a new one.

Problem is the one I am currently taking was the only one 6 years ago that worked, and didn't make me vomit nightly if I took more pills to cover up the vomit part. Now we have to start all over again. Bleck!

Just so everyone knows, until this gets solved several things are likely to happen, and not necessarily in this order, and very well could be more than one at a time.

1. At some point I will likely get really pissy. If that is the case, I can't even stand to be around myself. So don't look for any blog posts because they wouldn't be printable if I did post them.
2. I could be extreamly sleepy for long periods (days) at a time.
3. I will likely get ill from some of the meds I am going to be trying. That means Projectile Vomitting, and or the BIG "D" Last time I was parked on the throne with a huge trash can on my lap. (That's always a good time!)
4. I may not be able to sleep for a period (days) at a time even though I am very tired.

All this to say, it will likely get pretty bad around here until this gets settled. Please keep your thoughts with me, and don't worry if I am not around too much. I will eventually be back and better than ever, once we find the right combo.

In case anyone is wondering, I have already informed Noodle, and she says see will stick by me till we get this sorted.

I May Be Dumb, But...

I'm sure as hell not this Flippen Stupid!

Fall Out

Ok, this is the morning after, and the dust has cleared. I have a new trainer, Chris, whom I started with this morning. He has a great sense of humor, and seems to be a good trainer. However, I will need to work out with him for awhile before I make a final call.

.....and life rolls on.....