I Will Accept All Of The Blame That Is Mine, But No More!
Ok, I had a rotten day today. I felt like both my upper and lower plumbing were about to blow at any second all day long. (Did I tell you all how much I love trying new meds, yet?) Anyway, work is a chore when things are going ok, but when my meds aren't working right it is, to quote Noodle, "Good Times!"
When I got home I had discovered I REALLY Effed Up BIG TIME! Yes I said, Effed UP! Frankly, that is the only word that works for this here. I want you all to know that I am 150% responcible for that Effe Up, and I take full blame and responsability for not doing what I should have done. Regardless of weather or not my meds are working correctly, my body is still the one that did the effing up.
I am not giving details, but I will tell you that I forgot two extreamly important things until the last minute that cause several people a great deal of frustration. The flip side of it is, however, that while I did forget this particular very important thing, that caused one person in particular some hardship and worry, they never bothered to speak to me about my mistep. Yes it was my job to make sure this particular thing happened. But what happened as a result could have been avoided completely, had this other person spoken up! Had they done so, I would have said, OH SHIT! I am soooo sorry, and dealt with it right away.
Instead they chose to suffer silently for several days before they said something to, (NO NOT ME) but a close relative that happens to be a close in-law of mine. Who in turn spoke to my relative and did a little shuffle to help the issue. Did my in-law, or my very close relative contact me about this Saturday, when they themselves found out. Hell no, why on earth would they ever do a thing like that? Today, that relative called a mutual relative on the sly to say that I had effed up big time.
Meanwhile, every relative I have, and most of my in-laws now think I am world's biggest Jack Ass because I have not done this very important thing, that is causing someone else all of this grief. The whole time I am walking around with a tree branch sticking out of my Ass that no one will tell me is there, and I can't see or feel it myself. That is until this evening when I get home and am met with both barrels because I had forgotten not one but two very imporant things!
Now remember, I just told all of you I am not in a very good place myself right now. That place being a double edged sword. One edge being that my Brain is not working correctly and causing crap as stated above happening all over the place, and the other edge being that I am currently emotionally incappable of handling constructive critisism, not to mention the double barrelled variety which hit me in the face when I walked in the door tonight.
I must say, that I handled things pretty well. After I got done mopping up blood, I was able to admit my wrong doing, taking full responsability for it. Then turning things back around and saying OK, I realize I am on about 60 shit lists right now. However, Why in God's name am I hearing about this first NOW?
Fact 1. I have ADHD, so on a great day I have issues with remembering everything I need to rememeber.
Fact 2. Everyone involved knows this about me. Furthermore, this is not the first time I have forgotten something major, so why the heck is everyone so shocked, and why the heck didn't someone pull me aside?
Fact 3. Counter to the opinions of my ex wife, "I am not an asshole!" I do not do things to be mean. I am not self centered, and I always admit when I am wrong and make things right as quickly and as best I can.
So I am flabbergasted that things unravelled like they did, and I still maintain, that if the person I was causing pain by forgetting the really important thing I forgot, had spoken up right away.....NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE EVER HAPPENED!!!!!! This person has a phone, knows my home and cell phone number. They figured out how to contact my in-law, who inturn told my close reative, so even if they didn't have a way to reach me directly they could have reached me indirectly.
I called and appologized this evening and have made things right. I excepted the blame for my actions, but as I told my close relatives (the ones holding both barrells) I WILL NOT BE CALLED ON THE CARPET ABOUT THIS BEING SO TERRIBLE, because I would have fixed the problem days ago, had I only been made aware of my mistep.
I know this is alot of cloak and dagger Bull Shit but when it comes to family you have to be careful.
When I got home I had discovered I REALLY Effed Up BIG TIME! Yes I said, Effed UP! Frankly, that is the only word that works for this here. I want you all to know that I am 150% responcible for that Effe Up, and I take full blame and responsability for not doing what I should have done. Regardless of weather or not my meds are working correctly, my body is still the one that did the effing up.
I am not giving details, but I will tell you that I forgot two extreamly important things until the last minute that cause several people a great deal of frustration. The flip side of it is, however, that while I did forget this particular very important thing, that caused one person in particular some hardship and worry, they never bothered to speak to me about my mistep. Yes it was my job to make sure this particular thing happened. But what happened as a result could have been avoided completely, had this other person spoken up! Had they done so, I would have said, OH SHIT! I am soooo sorry, and dealt with it right away.
Instead they chose to suffer silently for several days before they said something to, (NO NOT ME) but a close relative that happens to be a close in-law of mine. Who in turn spoke to my relative and did a little shuffle to help the issue. Did my in-law, or my very close relative contact me about this Saturday, when they themselves found out. Hell no, why on earth would they ever do a thing like that? Today, that relative called a mutual relative on the sly to say that I had effed up big time.
Meanwhile, every relative I have, and most of my in-laws now think I am world's biggest Jack Ass because I have not done this very important thing, that is causing someone else all of this grief. The whole time I am walking around with a tree branch sticking out of my Ass that no one will tell me is there, and I can't see or feel it myself. That is until this evening when I get home and am met with both barrels because I had forgotten not one but two very imporant things!
Now remember, I just told all of you I am not in a very good place myself right now. That place being a double edged sword. One edge being that my Brain is not working correctly and causing crap as stated above happening all over the place, and the other edge being that I am currently emotionally incappable of handling constructive critisism, not to mention the double barrelled variety which hit me in the face when I walked in the door tonight.
I must say, that I handled things pretty well. After I got done mopping up blood, I was able to admit my wrong doing, taking full responsability for it. Then turning things back around and saying OK, I realize I am on about 60 shit lists right now. However, Why in God's name am I hearing about this first NOW?
Fact 1. I have ADHD, so on a great day I have issues with remembering everything I need to rememeber.
Fact 2. Everyone involved knows this about me. Furthermore, this is not the first time I have forgotten something major, so why the heck is everyone so shocked, and why the heck didn't someone pull me aside?
Fact 3. Counter to the opinions of my ex wife, "I am not an asshole!" I do not do things to be mean. I am not self centered, and I always admit when I am wrong and make things right as quickly and as best I can.
So I am flabbergasted that things unravelled like they did, and I still maintain, that if the person I was causing pain by forgetting the really important thing I forgot, had spoken up right away.....NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE EVER HAPPENED!!!!!! This person has a phone, knows my home and cell phone number. They figured out how to contact my in-law, who inturn told my close reative, so even if they didn't have a way to reach me directly they could have reached me indirectly.
I called and appologized this evening and have made things right. I excepted the blame for my actions, but as I told my close relatives (the ones holding both barrells) I WILL NOT BE CALLED ON THE CARPET ABOUT THIS BEING SO TERRIBLE, because I would have fixed the problem days ago, had I only been made aware of my mistep.
I know this is alot of cloak and dagger Bull Shit but when it comes to family you have to be careful.
Written by Im A Foto Nut at 6/11/2007 07:09:00 pm
2 Comments:
Ya know what? Bottom line: you're human. And shit happens. You're not ALLOWED to be this perfect peson. So they'll just have to get over it & accept you for whom you are. HUMAN! We all make mistakes ~ you shouldn't be crucified & lambasted over the coals just because you made a mistake.
I'm sorry you're going thru this, but people need to understand what's going on in your life these days. And this medication shift is not helping matters at all.
M~
Oh, brother, I'm sorry you are going through this - but the raw bottom line is, you made a mistake. You did what you could to make amends. And you have to go forward. Whether they do the "I'll forgive you, but I'll nevereverever forget this" deal is none of your business.
As Keith Green sang,
You just give it your best
And pray that it's blessed
And let Jesus take care of the rest!
There's a guy out here in AA who says, "The First Rule is: all family are f***ing crazy. The Second Rule is: there is no second rule. It's all about the First Rule."
Praying peace, acceptance, and endurance for the madmen for you, brother.
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