As promised.........

Boy this sure is a tough room! Nobody even said it stunk!


Ok, I need to give some background before I start telling the Olie and Lena joke I promised you in yesterday's blog.

First of all, I grew up in Michigan, and my Mother grew up in Minnesota, which means that I never had a chance when it came to talking like a Swede. I am 150% German, and 20 years ago I had a very thick "Northern Accent." It may be somewhat hard to convay in a blog but I will do my best. Your part in all of this is to think of the accents you heard in the movie FARGO. Everywhere you see an "o" pronounce it as a long "o".

All right den, Olie and Lena are two olt Svedes, ant each vone is dumber dan dee udder. Olie's best friend in the vorld is Sven. As in dis story, Sven pops up from time to time in Olie and Lena jokes. Ifa guy vas to discribe Sven, yoose might say dat if he came from a new resturant, and yoose ask him how it vas, he vood probbibly say, "Ya'know dey got great salt in der!" Not exactly, the sharpest knife in da drawer.

Anywaaaay, Vone day Olie vas at da pub, ven Sven came up to him and sez, "Hey Olie, houws come yur so down in da mout?"

"Vell, Sven I godda tell ya, my outhouse is full. Which means I can eeder dig a new whole, and take da dirt from da new whole and fill da olt vone, or I can empty out da old vone, needer af vich I vant to do, especially not da last vone."

"Oh, Olie!, You don' godda do dat! Let me tell ya vat ta do. First, ya get a long rope. Den you getcha 2 sticks ah dynomite, vone vit a short vick, ant vone vit a long vick. Ya tie da vone vit da long vick at da bottom, and da vone vit da short vick in the middle. Den ya light'em bote, and ya trow'em down da hole."

"First the short vick gosse aff, ant da outhouse gosse straaaight up in da air. Den da long vick gosse aff and da contents ov da hole gosse all ofer da grass, and fertilizes yur lawn. Ya don' godda touch a ting." he sez.

Olie replied, "Sven, Datsa greAt idea. I'm gowen to da hardvare store, meet me at my house, tomorrow levenclock."

"You betcha," Sven sez.

The one thing you all need to know about old scandinavian guys is, when there is work to be done, they all have to walk around, scratch their asses, and drink a few beers, so they can figure out the easiest way to do it, with the least amount of work. Thus taking them far longer to do it in the first place. I am here to tell you that Olie and Sven, are the rule rather than the exception in this case.

Olie had bought all he needed the day before, so when Sven arrived they were ready to go, that is of course, not until the aforementioned walking around, ass scratching, and beer drinking had taken place. Meanwhile Olie's wife, Lena, had been in the kitchen making lunch......

Now dey got effryting ready, dey tie the tnt to da rope, dey light'em bote, an dey trow'em down da hole. Den dey ran, lettin out da rope as dey vent. Dey headed for da big vite rocks Olie had at da end ov hiss Drifevay. (That is another MN thing I will have to tell you about another time.) Ass dey crouch behind da rock, ant look toreds da outhouse, Lena comes boltin out da kitchen, headin fur da outhouse!

Olie jumps up and down, wavin hiss arms, shoutin, " LENA LENA, Don' go in der!" Sadly, Lena doesn't listen. She gosse into da outhouse ant slams da door. Olie sits behind da rock ant starts cryin' cas he nose hiss Lena iss det.

BOOOM! da outhouse gosse shtraight up in da air. BOOOOOOM! Shit flies effrywhere, on Olie, on Sven, on da side a da house. Da whole time Olie is sittin' der behind dat rock. Vell, ass da outhouse comes down, Olie gets a grip on hiss self, and turns. The outhouse drops down on da ground, da door svings open ant Lena vaks out! (She is all burnt on da eches like Yosemmity Sam) She stagers somewhat, focuses her ise a lil'bit, ant den she looks at Olie, and sez......




"Oh, Olie, I'm so glat I din' let dat vone in da kitchen."