Date Night Countdown

Below you will find a compelation of tasks required for propper date preperation. Most of the things I already would have done, and a few additions where made due to the wonderful suggestions made my "Fabulous Female Freinds" ( you too David ) all of whom are working together in an effort to hasten the possibility of my seeing Boobies! Actually, they are all trying to help an old rusty and out of practice divorced guy put his best foot forward for Hottie K #1.

Sidebar: Hottie K #2 completed the last level prior to open communication. Hopefully things will head in the right direction there, as well.

Date Day Eve:

1. Haircut
2. Press pants
3. Lay out clothes and extra toiletries. ie, sportcoat, dress shoes, black socks to match shinny black shoes, braided black leather braces (thats suspenders for the heathen reading this blog, LOL)
4. Trim beard, check for excess hair in and on ears (EEEUW), in nose, and new growth on unibrow remove as needed.

Date Day A.M.

1. Shower, who know girls like guys that bathed?
2. Close shave
3. Brush teeth, floss
4. Apply roll-on deoderant
5. Apply mouse to wet hair, then blowdry, and apply extra hold hairspray
OK, so I lied about the floss, who doesn't? Besides, I can't fool my dentist either.
6. Dress
7. Load good car with remaining date items (condums, vibrators, K-Y) JUST KIDDING GEEZE THIS IS A TOUGH ROOM!
8. Apply Cool Water, spraying into the air and walking through it. Yes, on the clothes it last longer that way. I did a trial run with it today, and my haircut lady said she could hardly smell it at 6:15.


Date Day P.M. (4:30)

1. Brush teeth, do I have to do it again? They already went from green to yellow this morning, dang.
2. Check hair, comb and re-aply hairspray as needed. (This is in my top desk drawer. I have an Elvis complex.)
3. (This on is for Tastey) Trim and clean fingernails. You mean biting them isn't good enough?
4. Wash hands, apply unscented lotion, as not to compete with cologne.
5. Change shoes
6. Leave by 5:00 to make sure you are on time. If you get their early set in the car so you don't look to over zealous.


Date UPDATE Apparently there is a need for me to say this, the following is ment to be FUNNY! If I actually acted like this I would expect to be shot! (And I am sure several of you would be lined up to do it too.)

1. When you introduce yourself, make sure not to look her in the eyes. Ogle her boobs.
2. Don't hold the door open for her, chicks don't like that shit. Wait until she opens it for herself, then walk in first.
3. When she asks what you will be having, tell her, then clairify that, This is "Dutch Treat" right? (Be sure you make air quotes when you say dutch treat.)
4. Order lots of adult beverages throughout the meal, making sure your date has had enough to lossen her up.
5. Talk about yourself often.
6. Make passes under the tableclothe whenever you get a chance.
7. If you are finished with your life story, and can think of nothing else to say, don't let the conversation lull. Tell a joke. The dirtier the better, chicks love that shit. Make sure there are many refferences to large male organs so she understands that you are more than able to please her later on in the evening.
8. After dinner wipe your hands on your pants, and blow your nose in the large white hanky the resturant so graciously provided.
9. After the waitertess has devided the check for you, make sure your date knows she is responsible for her portion of the tip.
10. As you escourt her to her car, ask if she wants to get a room close by, or give you a Hummer in her passenger seat. At least that way she won't have to pay for half of the room. You are a gentleman after all, aren't you?