The One Trip Where You Should Pack Light OR Can Ya Hook a Sistah Up?

Many times on this blog you have heard me praise eHarmony for it's wonderful service. I believe it to be the best dating website going. For the simple reason, you get to "Pre Qualify" all of your matches. Furthermore, you are only matched with the top two percent of people that are compatable with your personality. That means you are just sifting through the cream at the top. How much better then casting a wide net at a bar, or worse yet one of those other "Meatmarket" type sights where people match themselves. YUCK!

That said, you can't just sip at the cream without checking to see if it has curtled first. That's why eHarmony is "All that, and more!" It allows you to sniff about to see if things are as they should be before you guzzle the whole damn glass. For instance, last week I was matched with someone I know I had been matched with before (Based on the photo.) I went back in the archives of my "Closed Matches" sorted by name and found that I had indeed been matched with her before AND she had closed me out. This time, however, she wanted to go again.
One of the newer features is that you can request a "Fast Track." All that means is go cut right to the chase with email rather than using the quided communication I love so much. This time I chose Fast Track, and in my first email said, "Hey do you remember we have already been matched, and that you closed me once before?" She said she had, but it was likely that she had closed me because she had met someone.

First off, when you close someone you must select a reason from a list of about 20, this reason is then sent to the match. One of the reasons is, "I am pursuing another match at this time." When she closed me she had chosen "Other." That ususally means they think you are a nutbag or a FUB, "Fat Ugly or Bald." Against my better judgement I agreed to talk to her on the phone. I told her I am a night owl and it was ok for her to call late. She called me at 11:15! I was still up, but I figured late meant before 10:00, so sue me.

Anyway, She starts to tell me that she has been dating lots of guys on eHarmony, and the most recent one was a 50 year old bachelor that she dated for a year. I am thinking to myself, I care about this because……. Then she tells me that she thought in the beginning that it would likely not work out but she went ahead anyway. Then she fell in love but realized that it just wasn't going to work, even though she really really REALLY loved him. Then you know what she did? She started crying! Do they make emotional wheelchairs cause this emotional cripple sure the hell needed one!

I was trying to change the subject so I asked where she worked. BIG MISTAKE! She is currently inbetween jobs. I tried to reasure her, but there was something wrong with everything I said, and of course absolutely no of it was her fault, and she had no control over any of it. She starts to cry AGAIN!, because she has just moved into a new place and now she can't pay the rent. I said, "Well, there is always welfare to tide you over. It wouldn't be a permanent thing and at least you wouldn't get kicked out of your house." She very curtly, through more tears said, "Well, you don't have to be the one to go stand in line, you have no idea what that's like!" Then the damn broke and there were crockadile tears everywhere. I very diplomatically and softly said, "Actually, I do know what that's like. I have to go and stand in line with drunks, druggies, and slackers down at the Social Security Office all of the time. It's not fun, and very embarrassing the way I am treated because my children's mother died. However, I have to do it because without that money, I wouldn't be able to keep myself solvent."

Then she starts in with how she still isn't quite sure if she wants to continue the match now that she has found out my children and I live with my parents. (Which I might add, I told her prior to her calling me in the first place.) I know that what she was doing was lying to herself about why this wouldn't work out because A) She was looking for a Sugar Daddy and can't admit that. B) Weather she knows it on a conscious level or not, she realizes I have my $h!+ together big time and she doesn't. C) She saw that I wasn't going to let her blame everyone but herself for her problems. She wanted a pitty party, and a Knight in shining armour to come with bags of money to rescue her and her girls.

Well, the reason I have bags of money is because I suffer through the lines at Social Security. Not a day goes by that I don't look for a job on-line, even though I think I may have a sure thing here in the next couple of weeks. Yadda Yadda Yadda Badda Bing Badda Boon!
I guess what I am saying to anyone out there that happens by my blog, and who is currently looking for someone to spend their life with. PLEASE OH PLEASE, unpack your bags before you start looking for a mate. The match I just told you about is only going to find someone that is willing to use her some more, because deep down that's what she wants, a reason for her pain as long as it isn't here's.

To be honest I feel much empathy for the woman, because many years ago, I was in the same place she was emotionally. I have sympathy for her girls because they are children and will suffer because of their Mother's emotionals state. Hopefully, not at the hand of some jerk that she finds to take care of her just so he can abuse all three of them. God, I pray that doesn't happen! I do not, however, have on ounce of sympathy for her. No, I'm not an Orge. Because I was there myself, I know they only way she is every going to stop suffering is to realize it is she who is causing her own pain, and she alone has the control to change her life. I said a prayer for her, and her girls after I hung up. Saturday just after lunch I logged in and closed the match. The reasons I gave (all true) mind you are 1) There is too much physical distance between us. 2) Other. I really hate "Other." I don't like it when people use it on me, and I hate even more having to use it on someone else. However, the reason I have would have fallen on deaf ears. She would have gotten mad, told me I didn't know what the hell I was talking about and cried even more. Then adding, well I am not confortable with the fact that you live with your parents. Once again, lying to herself about the real issues at hand.

Ok that was one Sistah, trying to get a hook up. Next I will tell you about a REAL Sistah trying to get me to hook her up.

Big Sister's Bus Driver is getting married. She called me because Big Sister told her I take really good pictures. Wanted to know if I would shoot her wedding in April. I told her that I am not good enough yet, but by then I may be a second shooter for a guy that does weddings, so it would he his price list I would need to call her back with. I then said, if that doesn't work out I could recommend several very good photographers to her. It got real quite, "Oh, ok she said."
Every time someone approaches me about wedding pictures it always ends the same way. I tell them I don't but could recommend someone. The next question is always, well how much do they charge? Before I tell them I explain that you get what you pay for when it comes to photographers, and that the ones I would recommend charge the going rate that starts about $1,500 to $2,000 plus prints. Albums start in the $500 to $1,000 range, over and above the wedding fee. The response is always the same. Oh, I can't afford that much I was hoping to get some one for less than $300.

Sorry, I am not your man. I takes about 40 hours of time after you shoot a wedding just for post processing. I am not going to spend 6 hours at the wedding and another 40 hours afterwards for $300.00.

This Bruthah is all good by hisownbadself! Thank you very much.