Internet Dating SUX!
In alot of ways, interent dating is wonderful, and in general I like it. However, there are times like today when it sux!
As eHarmony instructs, I begin communication with 90% of the matches I get. What usually happens is that most matches don't ever respond. I did the same thing. You can join, and get matches, however, to respond it costs money. Like me, I am sure that most people wait and test the waters to see what types of people they get matched with. Then, if there is someone they are particularly interested in, you sign up.
Every so often I get someone that starts communication with me, before I can with them. But usually it is the other way around. In the last two weeks I have had two matches respond to my request for communication. The first was very strongly Catholic, and I am very strongly Lutheran, so we decided it likely wouldn't work. (And she was really cute to, dang it!) Then the second one wich was going along fine until midway through the process where you send must haves and can't stands to each other. It was very apparent to me that she was extreamly active (running and biking daily) and her very first can't stand was someone that is overweight. So I closed communication, and chose the reason that our must haves, and can't stands didn't match up.
At this point the other person can request to reopen the match. Against my better judgement I reopened. Everything went fine until we got to Open Communication. (Which is like email but within the eHarmony site so it stays safer for women and men alike.) She asked if I would tell her why I closed the match earlier and so I did. I pulled no punches because I didn't want to waist my time if she was just going to say no thanks later on.
She messages me back, and said she didn't really want to close the match per se, but she was communicating with another gentleman already, and although she had not met him face to face things were looking up. However, she would still like to email back and forth for awhile.
Well, I smelled a rat, so I politely messaged her back saying I was confused and needed to ask some qualifying questions. I told her if she still saw me as a match that may one day become a face to face meeting then that was fine. But, if she was only wanting an email buddy, I had several of those and did not wish to be "let down easy." I told her I was a big boy and would not be hurt is she was not interested, and would rather be told that now, than to find out later that it was never her intent to take things any further, after I had emotially invested myself.
What makes me mad is that I am not a charity case in the friendship department, nor am I hurt because someone on the interent whom with I have been matched does not wish to persue a relationship with me. Please ladies, just say what you mean, and don't string guys along because you may hurt their feelings. In a month from now we aren't even going to remember you, and if we are the type of person to hold a grudge, whats it to you? You won't even know.
Needless to say, she graciously said, well it looks like you have a strong network of friends, and don't need another "email buddy." She also said, she would never consider me as a candidate for a relationship, then closed the match.
Am I hurt? Hell no! I am glad! Hey, I didn't waist any time with this gal. To be honest, I don't think I could have kept up with her, even if I had fit. It just sux to be treated like a 5 year old.
As eHarmony instructs, I begin communication with 90% of the matches I get. What usually happens is that most matches don't ever respond. I did the same thing. You can join, and get matches, however, to respond it costs money. Like me, I am sure that most people wait and test the waters to see what types of people they get matched with. Then, if there is someone they are particularly interested in, you sign up.
Every so often I get someone that starts communication with me, before I can with them. But usually it is the other way around. In the last two weeks I have had two matches respond to my request for communication. The first was very strongly Catholic, and I am very strongly Lutheran, so we decided it likely wouldn't work. (And she was really cute to, dang it!) Then the second one wich was going along fine until midway through the process where you send must haves and can't stands to each other. It was very apparent to me that she was extreamly active (running and biking daily) and her very first can't stand was someone that is overweight. So I closed communication, and chose the reason that our must haves, and can't stands didn't match up.
At this point the other person can request to reopen the match. Against my better judgement I reopened. Everything went fine until we got to Open Communication. (Which is like email but within the eHarmony site so it stays safer for women and men alike.) She asked if I would tell her why I closed the match earlier and so I did. I pulled no punches because I didn't want to waist my time if she was just going to say no thanks later on.
She messages me back, and said she didn't really want to close the match per se, but she was communicating with another gentleman already, and although she had not met him face to face things were looking up. However, she would still like to email back and forth for awhile.
Well, I smelled a rat, so I politely messaged her back saying I was confused and needed to ask some qualifying questions. I told her if she still saw me as a match that may one day become a face to face meeting then that was fine. But, if she was only wanting an email buddy, I had several of those and did not wish to be "let down easy." I told her I was a big boy and would not be hurt is she was not interested, and would rather be told that now, than to find out later that it was never her intent to take things any further, after I had emotially invested myself.
What makes me mad is that I am not a charity case in the friendship department, nor am I hurt because someone on the interent whom with I have been matched does not wish to persue a relationship with me. Please ladies, just say what you mean, and don't string guys along because you may hurt their feelings. In a month from now we aren't even going to remember you, and if we are the type of person to hold a grudge, whats it to you? You won't even know.
Needless to say, she graciously said, well it looks like you have a strong network of friends, and don't need another "email buddy." She also said, she would never consider me as a candidate for a relationship, then closed the match.
Am I hurt? Hell no! I am glad! Hey, I didn't waist any time with this gal. To be honest, I don't think I could have kept up with her, even if I had fit. It just sux to be treated like a 5 year old.
Written by Im A Foto Nut at 11/05/2006 12:15:00 pm
4 Comments:
Oh geez, what a flake. Women like that give honest gals like me a bad name because we can't cut a break in dating land. I have truly given up the whole dating thing ~ I'm not surfing like I used to on yahoo & my other dating sites. I guess my heart's just not into it these days. I don't have the time or the energy to devote to a relationship. So I better just bow out now before I give anyone any false impressions.
M~
I have seriously considered cancelling my eHarmony account. The only thing that stops me is that I have been a member for two and a half years so it only costs me like 12.95 a month. If I quit and decided to come back to it later it would be far more spendy.
The frustating thing of all of this is that the only women that want to date seem to have so many issues they have either not yet worked through, or don't even know they have. All of the stable women out there won't give me a second look cause I no longer look like Brad Pitt, or any other hunka hunka burnin' luv that you wish to fill in that blank with.
People are truly shallow. I'm sure all of us are guilty of starting a relationship based on looks, but I really do try to look within the person 1st. I definitely don't want a trophy man. I learned my lesson on that one with Scott. He was very good looking & he ended up dating 8 women PLUS his wife because of his good lucks & charm. It won't happen again.
M~
Don't know if you've ever gone over to the Church of the Resurrection (COR) Single's ministry nights. They get a BUNCH of people out for them - several hundred at a time - and while I'm sure there's an element of meat-market in it, what dating scene isn't?I know a lot more folks who have gotten permanent hook-ups there, versus the folks I've heard about thru eHarmony.
And trust me, the *men* aren't any easier to deal with....
:-)
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