Missapropriated Meme

Ok, I was going to steel this from Leesa but then David beat me to it. I am still going to do it anyway, since I am feeling icky and uninspired tonight.

Like David, this is my first and most likely my last.

1) My uncle once: Don't have one.
2) Never in my life: Have I been to Germany :o(
3) When I was five: I took my Mom's scissors and cut a chunck of hair off, right to the scalp in front.
4) High school was: I have certainly had better years.
5) I will never forget: My Children being Born.
6) I once met: George Brett (What a Prick!).
7) There's this girl I know who: I wish I knew girls who...
8) Once at a bar: I was pinched on the ass by two gay men because they thought I was gay and very cute.
9) By noon I'm usually: Reading at lunch.
10) Last night: I woke up in the middle of the night with leg cramps.
11) If only I had: been able to finish my degree.
12) Next time I go to church: I will not hear half the sermon since I will be playing referee for my kids.
13) Terry Schiavo: I wish some people would get a life. I hope nobody keeps me alive like that.
14) I have a confession to make: I am glad my ex-wife died.
15) When I turn my head left: I see out the window and an Art Deco lamp.
16) When I turn my head right: My unmade bed.
17) You know I'm lying when: Trust me you will know, I can't do it well at all.
18) Everyday I think about: How glad I am to finally have my children living with me fulltime.
19) If I were a character written by Shakespeare I'd be: Patruchio from Taming of the Shrew, my fave.
20) By this time next year: I hope I will be far skinnier than I am now.
21) A better name for me would be: Wolfgang Heinrich Otto von Sheißehaus
22) I have a hard time understanding: TheGenerall Public.
23) If I ever go back to school I'll: finishing my business degree.
24) You know I like you when: I talk your ear off for 2 hours.
25) If I won an award the first person I'd thank is: God.
27) Take my advice, always: When changing your son's diaper ALWAYS cover the hose up while you are cleaning his bottom.
28) My ideal breakfast is:biscuitss and Gravy
.29) A song I love, but do not have is: Hyden's Trumpet Concerto in G played by Winton Marcalles.
30) If you visit my hometown, I suggest: Beats me, I haven't been there since 1969.
31) Tulips, character flaws, microchips & track stars: Flowers, something I have lots of, the stuff of life, and weenies.
32) Why won't anyone: ConvictMichaell Jackson.
33) If you spend the night at my house: Yeah like there's room here.
34) I'd stop my wedding for: I wished I had. 35) The world could do without: Barney the purple TV blob.
36) I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: DRINK DIET COKE.
37) My favorite blonde is: Kelly Preston
38) Paper clips are more useful than: Nothing they are useless.
39) If I do anything well: Sing and hopefully take photos someday.
40) And by the way: Life would be a whole lot easier if you could just fart were you stood without everyone getting all bent out of shape about it.
41) The last time I was drunk: It has been far too long (years) for me to remember.